I MISS CHOCOLATE!

I miss eating chocolate. I love chocolate. I could eat it all day long. I can not eat very much of it any more. The sugar in it makes me feel terrible. The sugar free stuff sucks! I found I can have one or 2 small squares and that is it. But only have one or two small squares is really hard to do. It takes lots of self control.

I am now down 54lb. It feels like it is not coming off fast enough. I have to keep remembering that I only had the surgery 4 months ago. It seems like I had it forever ago! I am wearing pants now that are 3 sizes smaller. It is taking longer for the tops to decrease in size but that is because of the girls. But they too are shrinking. Down 2 bra sizes! Bob is not happy about that.

Eating is so much easier now. I can eat almost anything. Well almost. I still do not eat any pasta. I have not even tried it but do not miss it and other people that I know that have had the surgery have a hard time getting it to go down. I do not tat anything fried. Too much fat. Lots of fresh fruit and protein for me. I love Mexican food. It goes down the best. No bread. That I do miss. I was a big sandwich and burger eater. Now I just eat the insides of both.

I also miss diet coke. I used to drink it all day long. Now it makes mu stomach hurt. I drink lots of hot and iced tea. Anyone have any suggestions on what else to drink that has very low sugar that is not just water?

40lb Gone! Never to Return!

Finally hit the 40lb mark this Sat. Thought that it would never happen. It feels like it took forever to reach. Robert had to remind me that I have not yet reached my 3 month post surgery date yet. It feels like forever ago that I had surgery. Life sure has changed since then. I am beginning to be able to eat more. I can still not tolerate bread or pasta. I miss the bread but not he pasta. Potatoes go down great. I can eat ground beef, pork, steak and some chicken. I have started trying fresh veggies and fruit too. I tried strawberries today and they were soooo gooood. I have also had raspberries, banana's, peaches, lettuce and tomatoes. I plan to try carrots next.

Getting enough protein in continues to be a challenge. They say I need 60g of protein a day and recommend 80g. I can barely get 40g. I have a orange juice based protein drink every AM but that is only worth 24g. I had to drink so many protein shakes prior to surgery they make me gag. I have ordered some online that I sure hope taste good.

Because of the lack of protein and rapid wt loss I am beginning to loose my hair. It is not like it is coming out in huge clumps but I have noticed that there is more in my hairbrush everyday. It is so depressing! I am so vain! For years I have made sure I like at least the head part of my body with good hair and makeup. I know that it will start to thicken in an a year but what if I am bald by then! I will have to go find a good wig store!

30lb Gone!

Has been a while since I have written. Time goes by quickly when you get busy and are feeling better. About 2 weeks ago my pain just went away. The doctor told me I would wake up one AM and it would be gone and she was right. I started back to work 1/2 days last week them back to work full time this week. Feels good to be active again. Even went up to Victoria to see my parents with no problems. I still am having some difficulties with nausea but even that is getting better with time. Many things are still hard to eat and sometimes I still want what I can not have but even the cravings and urges are getting easier to deal with. So to those that might be having this surgery be prepared to have pain and nausea after surgery but don't give up as it will pass! I thought I would never feel better, I was constantly asking what have I done to my self and wishing I had never done the surgery. Now almost 8 weeks post surgery things are starting to get back to normal. Life felt like it was on hold for so many weeks now it feels like it is moving again. I am down 30lb! It feels like it is not going away fast enough but I am no longer getting on the scale daily and this helps with not feeling so frustrated with the slow weight loss. Last year I would have been excited about 30lb but now I am looking forward to the 100lb mark. I know it will take time but I want it all gone now!

Just Checking In

Well it has been another difficult week. I tried to go to work on Monday and ended up in the ER. I started having bad pain at work from walking around. I lasted 1.5 hour at work. What a bummer. They did a CT scan in the ER but found nothing wrong(thank goodness). The doctor just told me that I still have a lot of inflammation. It is an awful lot of pain for just some swelling. They gave me something called lidocane patches to put on my ABD were the pain is.

So off to home we went. I spent the rest of the day in bed. The last 3 days has been a challenge. I tried the lidocane patches and ended up being horribly nauseated. So bad that i could not sit upright. So be warned  those that might be given there in the future. If you put on on and get nauseated it is from the patch and take it OFF!

So today I was still feeling queasy but have tried to eat a little. I had about 4 oz of yogurt, some water then some hummus and 1/4 pita. Slight nausea after this but not too bad. Took a nap then got up and made some tuna with a small amount of mayo, relish and horseradish. I took 3 or 4 bites over about 15 min. the I felt like I had a huge lump in my chest and the pain started. I could not get the food to go down or up. I ended up vomiting it all up after about 5 min of suffering. It really hurt to vomit(my ABD) and i wish I could say that I felt better but I don't. I no longer have the pressure or pain but am back to feeling nauseated. Oh what fun. I am mostly concerned about getting enough nutrition. Gosh I hope this turns around soon.

I was at bible study on Tuesday and found a passage in Romans that really spoke to me. "Not only so, but we also rejoice in out sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance: perseverance , character: and character, hope."

Back to Work!

Going back to work tomorrow. I am only doing 4 hours to start off with. I am still having pain in my side but I need to get out of this house. I am scared that I will not be able to handle the 4 hours. I have done some walking this weekend and doing the walking was OK but once I goe home had really bad pain. I am going to call my MD tomorrow and insist on a CT scan to see what is wrong. Staying home this long is so depressing! Having pain this long is so depressing!I am preparing foods to take with me as I do not think that the cafeteria will have what I need. No more cheeseburgers for me! Wish me luck!

I was looking back over a few entries and wow am I long winded at times. Nothing much has changed. I have not has the horrible pain again. I have gone back to eating soft foods and liquids again. They said it would be hard to get all the meals in throughout the day and they were right. Today so far I have only had cream of wheat, tomato soup and re fried beans. I still have 3 more meals to get in today plus a protein drink. Probably does not help much that I am sleeping most of the AM. Today I was up at 530am then back to bed at 8am until 1pm. It seems like my pain gets the worse at night.

I am still having the pain in my left side. I think that it is slowly getting better. At least I want to think that it is better. I have only taken Tylenol extra strength today. The problem is I do not have that much discomfort when sitting down. It is when I am up walking that it hurts. Last night I was so uncomfortable I needed 2 doses of pain med only 3 hours apart. I am going back to work for 1/2 days next week. We really need the money and I am going stir crazy. I hope I can handle it and the pain does not get to bad. If I am still so uncomfortable next week I am going to call the Surgeon and have them do some testing to see just what exactly is causing my pain.

I have been scared to get on the scale this week. Last week I did not loose any wt. I am stuck at 287lb. I am scared to get on the scale and the numbers will not have gone down. Maybe I will try tonight. It just makes me sad if I weigh myself and the numbers are the same.

Worst Pain I have Ever had

Last night I was eating scrambled eggs. I started having this tightening in my center chest and then sever sharp pain. Nothing would relieve the pain. I was experiencing my first episode of eating to fast and not chewing my food well enough. It was horrible. I thought that I was dying. I stood up, I sat down, I tried to take a drink of water to force the food down(that made the pain worse). I was sure I would vomit, pass out faint. It tool almost 30 min for things to calm down. It was terrible. Poor Robert was really freaked out. At least he new what was happening as the same thing has happened to him. I kept telling him I was having a heart attack. He assured me that I was not and the pain would pass soon. Needless to say I have had either protein shakes or very soft food all day. I do not understand why I can not eat eggs. You would think that soft boiled eggs and scrambled eggs would be soft enough to eat. I never want to try eating them again!

I went to the doctors again last Thursday. She thinks that I have a hematoma on my left side which is what is causing my pain on the left side. That and the nerve pain is probably caused from nerve damage from the surgery. I have to take another week off work. Yikes! I have no more time off built up. Little worried about that.
The doctor is giving my body 2 more weeks to see if it will absorb the hematoma on its own. If pain is still there it 2 weeks then I guess they will do some testing. I told the doctor that I feel that she and her staff think I am a drug seeker because I am still needing so much pain medication. She reassured me that she did not think this and that if anything I need to be taking more pain medication because I have not been taking any during the day because I am saving the medication for the evening. I guess I am sensitive to this being a nurse.

So here I am on the couch again this week. I was doing a few chores today and now I am having pain. So much for pushing to see if I can get moving. I was thinking that this must be gods way of holding me down until I am healed enough to go back to work. Even so it still sucks.